just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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