I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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