she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
