This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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