i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i think im in europe. pls send help
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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