True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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