Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
