What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
