at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
