hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
