at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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