The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
