i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
