You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We need to rekindle our bromance
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize