That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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