i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
