Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
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