so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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