theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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