in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
