I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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