So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
smell my finger.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
