you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize