bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize