Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
