I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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