go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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