awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ttyl tear gas
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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