Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
