Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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