One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
