I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
