Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
