Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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