At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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