u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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