we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
