Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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