I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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