I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize