No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize