I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
