what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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