If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
