Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
