I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
