thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
