Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
