At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
