haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
