Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize