every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
