Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
