And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize