So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
