Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
