Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
