you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
