This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
