My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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