i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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