I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
