So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
