Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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