I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
