how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
