remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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