Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
