Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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