I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
