just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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