When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
