In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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