Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
