I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
