Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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