I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
