why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
