all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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