whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
