drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
