But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
