my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
