How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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