First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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