Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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