CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
