I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize