I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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