If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize