I think im going to throw up on grandma
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
