I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
