JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
