THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
