my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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