problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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