but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
